Friday, March 10, 2017

My Facebook Crush (episode 3)

For episode 2, click here

As seen on Emmy's wall...

The worst ailment anyone can have is mouth or body odour. You want to verbally air your opinion and suddenly those people you were to talk to intuitively starts rubbing their nostrils like  some rotten gutter dey smell. They will never tell you why they do that, and if your left brain didn't tell you what's going on, then OYO is your case.



There was a reason as to why we brush daily. It is so because discoveries were made that when you don't wash your mouth, it stinks. And if you go for days without brushing, the kind of  thing that will come out from there  fit kill a rat or cockroach. Don't just go about brushing the white part, please roll out your tongue and scrub that thing. Use hard brush. Soft one o. Borrow the one for floor scrubbing. If you like use Omo, toilet soap, or any detergent but I'd advise you to use toothpaste.  Aim? To get rid of the something something you've been packing into your mouth. Chin chin go pass, you carry chop. Meat. Beer. Peanut. Pizza. Shawarma. You still eat oily food on top and won't brush. Its not good o. We the innocent ones suffer it. You cannot allow us to breathe the fresh air that is free. The only thing we ain't paying for in this regime.

You will be seated next to someone in church, he/she knowing fully well that something bigger than Buhari will ooze out from his/her mouth when they talk, they won't allow the priest to finish "praise God" before shouting "Hallelujah into your face" while emitting the missiles that will send you to coma. I nearly puked today in church. Eish!!!

The woman beside me, couldn't decipher whether it was from her body or mouth it was coming from. The bomb dropped when she raised her hand to bring out breast for her tiny baby. I ran from that seat  but  jammed the worst. How I withheld vomiting in church today is still beyond my comprehension. At a point, I wanted to leave but held back. You people cannot pursue me from God's house o. Lie lie.

As a nursing mother, if you want to bath, please I beg you in whatever thing you serve, raise up your two bambinas and wash underneath that shit. Wash Front. Back. Sideways. No stone unturned. Stay two hours to accomplish the mission, nobody go pursue from the bath house. Not just nursing mothers, it applies to every woman. Wash those sensitive areas thoroughly. Don't wait for someone to remind you on the need to shave, those hairs aren't meant to be braided. Shave them off...use scissors and cut the ones down there, clear them off. keep that place extremely neat, I swear it won't cost much. Once you sweat, certain places will start to accumulate some kinda odour that if you don't get rid of, will automatically start smelling nasty. Foul odour.

I don't even advise going to bed with panties, there's absolutely no need for that. Throw away that pant and bra and allow fresh air to penetrate, of course that's after you must have bathed.

Dear guys, you already know wearing one boxer for two weeks or probably one month isn't cool right? How do you do that ? And please don't be lazy to shave your armpit, its necessary. If you can't keep it neat, then away with it. It won't credit your account.

Some people will tell you they hardly smell, continue waiting for bad odour to start oozing from your body before you keep to personal hygiene. Its wrong for you to make others want to vomit because of what's coming out from your body.

If you have little kids, please don't ever in your life think of allowing those little ones develop body odour. That shit can embarrass the hell outta someone's life. Its not good at all.

Wonder how the Reverend Fathers do it. How they share communion without as much as nauseating knowing fully well that most of their parishioners usually bring out their dirty stinking tongues to collect communion.

I repeat, fresh air is the only free thing we are receiving in this recession. Everybody won't die same time biko. Don't make others suffer for nothing.

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