Bee's words kept resounding in my head like a music track on repeat mode. In as much as I prevaricated her question on whether or not I'd love to date Emmy, deep down in my heart , I knew I really craved it. The desire was intense, entangling and tore at my heart with every passing second. The notion was scaring too. It wasn't in an apprehensive way but it was there. What if he was merely teasing me with the proposal just like I mentioned to Bee? I knew I wanted him. The effect he had on me was undeniable but aside from wanting him, will it lead to something meaningful in near future? Will it be for a fleeting time? It kinda reminded of Ben.
Ben was the first guy i was with. He was an angel sent by God. This statement i would later retract. He was daring, handsome and gorgeous. He was fair complexioned. He had a cute oval face that looked as if they were sculpted by Michael Angelo himself which made his demeanor more refined. He was huge, a hunk would be more appropriate. His lips were small and pinkish. I met him through a friend. We'd had hit it off from the first date. He was kind, sweet and had a promising future which I always envisioned spending with him. I fell heads over heels In love with him. With him, everything seemed alright. Life became less complicated. We were happy as a couple or so I thought. His smiles gave me butterflies. His kisses left me breathless.
The problem stemmed from my inability to satisfy him sexually. He was my first love. Being naive and a newbie to the whole relationship stuff, I wasn't moxie enough to handle sex. I was disgusted the day he mentioned putting his head on me. It was the dumbest thing I've heard all my life. How could he possibly think of that? What if I accidentally peed in his mouth? I was totally confused. But when he eventually did, it was exhilaratingly terrific. I reached orgasm. Then he'd asked me to return the favor and i bolted. He became angry. Frustrated. Annoyed. And irrational. He'd called me names. I tried to learn. Was willing to do that for his sake but it was late. He turned to a flirtatious beinh. He began going after other girls that will do perfectly what I couldn't do. He never hid them from me. I was very much aware of his promiscuous life with plethora of women and I hurt badly.
I was made to believe that it only takes love to make a man be committed to you but experience taught me otherwise. Ben became treacherous and unfaithful. I begged him. I pleaded with him to teach me. I wanted to fix our relationship. Our relationship was supposed to last forever. With each passing moment, i prayed he would change. He knew i tried for us. But he was adamant. His heart already left me. I was to rot with my love for him...and later i will understand he did me a favour. it became too much a burden to me and I called off the relationship.
By God! I have been single for as long as two sordid years, all thanks to Ben. He messed me up emotionally. I practically underwent a sort of emotional trauma that almost sent me to a shrink for counselling. My reactions to issues were profoundly visceral. I became illogical even to situations demanding a lucid decision. I completely missed out in school activities which resulted to my C.G.P. drastically dropping in my second year in the Uni. I was always grumpy and sad. I was alone. Beverly I would later appreciate for pulling me out from the shit hole Ben pushed me into.
Continue reading, EPISODE 10