Unrequited love? How to get over a crush when they don't feel the ...

He said he cares so much about you. He likes you a lot. He can't think of staying away from you. He doesn't want to think aloud about what life would be without you. He can't withstand losing your friendship, which you two built over the years. But yet, he mumbled about not being ready to date you. He said to figure out his life path first, to put things in perspective for himself. He does not see himself being in a serious relationship yet, not with you though.


Right at this moment, your heart is shattered. Your hope in what you felt for him couldn't stretch any further. You bleed inwardly because you want more. You've lived for a couple of years, believing you're meant to be together, with him and no one else? And no matter how you feel, he can't reciprocate.


I have a similar experience. It was a tough one. But by the time I made up my mind to continue shedding tears on what couldn't be, I learned to let go and heal. Heal from the hurt of loving what I can never have.


But let me tell you. He lied. It's all lies. Lies from the pit of hell. His decision is not based on the fact that he isn't ready to be in a relationship. I can tell you this with 150% certainty. He didn't see that spark that can make a man want to spend his entire life with you. He wants more, his wants are not tangled with things within you. He hasn't seen what he's looking for in a woman in you. A man can always give excuses for what he never wants. When he sees a woman that has got everything he wants, he will give every single thing up to have her. I know this might sound cliché or a little bit off but that's the truth.


He might think it cruel coming out rightly to tell you all these, that's why he came up with the excuses. He's not ready to be with anyone yet. He doesn't want to be romantically involved with anyone yet. It's hard for him to try to fix himself up… Trying to achieve so much. A story, for the gods.


In times like this, are you expected to move on or keep waiting for him to make up his mind? Of course not. You don't wait. You move the hell on. If you waste your precious time trying to figure out whether he'd give in to you sometime in the future, you might end up regretting it when he ends up not changing his mind. And he will remind you of not promising you anything.


Guess who's going to get hurt? Yeah! You.


So you move. You move on.


He didn't ask me to move on. He strung me along for years. And broke the news on my birthday. After 5 years! But then his cousin who happens to be my close friend always warned me and I didn't listen.


She'd say " Please don't ever in your life see him as the one for you. He might have respect for you and all, but he isn't seeing you in his future. He told me. He was blunt about it. Time to move on girlfriend. She told me this over and over again. I didn't listen because the guy always came back. He denied it wasn't in the context like his cousin said. And his actions continued saying a different thing and I kept believing in what was never meant to be.


How will you feel doing all in your power to make someone you love happy on his birthday only for him to ghost you 2 weeks towards your birthday? Oh! Matter of fact, he finally ended things with you on your birthday? A special day in your life. Will you ever forgive them for treating you less than you deserve? Do you sweep it under the carpet and move on easily?


I didn't know whether to cry or wail or do both at first. It took days for my friend's words and his words to digest into my system. To sink in. I was crumbled with sadness that stemmed from within. I felt a sharp pain cut across my throat. I constantly felt like my heart is being pulled out of my chest. I never felt that way for anyone! Emotions shattered. This was a guy that promised never to get me hurt. He asked if there are signs that he was going to hurt me when the going was extremely good. To which I replied in the opposite. I trusted him. With all of my heart. Reason why I didn't believe my friend.


But then, I shut everyone out. I uninstalled WhatsApp messenger from my phone. I needed to put myself together. I can't be feeling this way for someone who never valued me or my love. For someone who strung me along for years just to make himself feel good. He was never worth it, I was too blind to notice. You can't continue like this, I told myself. I didn't allow the negative emotions to last long. I decided that crying over spilled milk wasn't going to help me. To move on as he asked me was the right step to take. Coil back in my shell and close up from every other guy out there. It's not the best decision but it's worth giving a try.


There is this feeling of dejection that comes when you love someone and they don't feel the same way about you. It makes you think less of yourself.  Like you're not good enough. You start asking rhetorical questions like " Why can't he love back?" I am a good person. I have been good for him. Being good to a guy isn't a guarantee that he will be good back to you. And even if he's good to you, it doesn't always mean he will see you in that way. The way your heart desires. Not as a sibling. Not as a spouse, but someone who he can have fun with. He had his fun and then when he noticed I was into him, he pulled away.


I mean, how do you initiate intimacy with someone who you aren't seeing any future with? This is not specific to any gender. I have seen a lot of women get involved without feelings attached and most men do it too. But what if someone else's feelings are involved? Do you go ahead getting them more entangled with you, knowing fully well that you've got nothing tangible to offer them? I had a guy that was once obsessed with me. But I didn't string him along. I told him to move on. He did. It's awful to not want someone in your life but you keep egging them on. You keep giving them false signals until they are in love with you. Very selfish and insensitive.


Well, his unrequited love doesn't make you unlovable. It doesn't mean no man will ever find you worthy of being loved. It only means that he is not right for you. Move on from him. If tomorrow he decides that he made a mistake, that's left for him. You know, nothing personal but it's not every man that deserves a good woman. Some deserve the bad ones, let them have the bad ones as they deserve. And wait for the right man who would treat you like you deserve.


Good people deserve to be with good people too.

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